we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
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When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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