I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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