come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
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He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dicks are not precious.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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