dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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