is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize