I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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