If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
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Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
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I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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