i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
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I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
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He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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