It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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