Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
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i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
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Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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