I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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