she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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