Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
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All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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