Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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