i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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