Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize