He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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