mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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