So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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