Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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