are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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