I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
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My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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