Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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