Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
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I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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