no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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