I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize