so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
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I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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