see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize