I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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