oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
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It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
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I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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