from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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