My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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