Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
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I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
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He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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