Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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