the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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