Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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