I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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