While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize