dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize