She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
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my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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