There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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