I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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