Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
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I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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