I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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