i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
please come you make the beer taste better
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Your penis caused this!
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