somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
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I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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