Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
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Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
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i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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