You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
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Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
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That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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