i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just found puke in my bra..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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