took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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